


I just want to be ok

by iTookJiminsJams



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Backstage, Ballet, Depression, Fear, Female Characters, Lies, Rape, Short Chapters, Story, not good at tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 14:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iTookJiminsJams/pseuds/iTookJiminsJams
Summary: I could feel him touching me, I could feel his hand in my body, I could hear his voice whispering in my ear...I just wanted it to stop, wanted him to stop. I closed my eyes and tried to scream and kick, but I could...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there are any mistakes. English is not my my firsst language so if you see any mistakes pelease tell me. Constructive comments are welcomed :) Hope you enjoy

Welcome to the world of truth, it burns through you skin like a scorched blade, digging into your soul. People think not of depression as a demon, or a killer, but as an illness. But the thing is, an Illness isn't created by emotions and distress brung on by modern society. The mind is a complex and disturbed placed filled with dark thoughts of many.Each day you come back to this place, you find yourself weaker against it, yes? Each day you fight it you notice it hurts more... It's a never ending cycle of dread, anxiety, and anger bottled up into one isolated room trapped inside your mind.

The world we, those who suffer from this torment, see is a world against us. People don't understand, nor want to understand the pain, the torment, the agony that we go through on a daily basis because they are scared. People don't understand the face of depression and anxiety because it is of the unknown, thus, they are scared.The strong willed, the ones who search for the answers are those who are strongest in this world, but they see themselves as weak, unworthy, or even battle-scarred men and women.


	2. Everything starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for now the chapters are going to be REALLY short, but they will be getting longer with time, I promise.

Ballet. Backstage. Rape. Those three word dont make much sense right? Well, you never know what goes on backstage, you never know who is suffering and who is just pretending to be happy, you never know who needs help, because once the show starts, everyone has a smile. 

Everyone pretends to be happy, even if they are destroyed, it shouldnt be like that you know, but...how do you tell people you are depressed, or you have anxiety, or maybe..that you have been raped...sometimes you cant, sometimes you can, but most of the times is the first option. 

Ballet. Backstage. Rape. Again those three words, but why dont we just start with the real thing, with the topic no one talks about, and if they do, its just the "Rape joke".

And I am just standing here with my usual leottars and leggings, just waiting for the show to start, it started, I danced, I came back, it ended...and the nightmare started, the problem is that, the nightmare doesnt seem to end. 

I just went to the changing room, and saw that face, the face of that tall man that stared me, I froze, my heart stopped pumping blood, I was so scared. The face of the man that took my innocence, and he didnt do it the best way possible. At night I could still feel his hands touching me, his voice in my ears, his words in my head, and his face in my memories, but there he was, and this time not in my memories. 

  I needed to get out of there, and when I was in my way a hand settled on my shoulder.   

 


	3. Meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry if there are any mistakes. Sorry for the short chapter, and hope you like it

It was my teacher, I let out a sigh of relief, but then she told me to wait, to wait until I meet someone, a friend of hers.

 I suddely knew who she was talking about, and when I noticed, I was sweating cold, I thought I was about to vomit and all got worse when he placed one of his hands in my shoulder while he looked at me with that crooked smile of his.

"Oh, we have already met. She was my student"- he said, while he looked at my teacher. She seemed pretty surprised at first, but then she just gave us a warm smile with an "Oh I see" and she went away so we could "talk". 

When she left I was terrified, there was no one else in that room. We were just him and I in that empty room. Our breathing seemed louder in that empty room, it seemed that my heart echoed on the white walls. There was silence for about 10 minutes, and I wish it would have stayed like that. 

I dont know when, but at some point his breathing started to feel closer to mine, his words felt like knives in my chest. He touched my head and said "Lets have some fun". At those words I froze, my muscles stopped responding and my mind went blank. I knew what was going to happen, so, I took the strenght I had left and hitted him, I later started to run to the door, but he was faster, he was stronger. He pulled me back and punched me in the stomach, he secured the door and turned off the lights. 


	4. Stop please

He grabbed my hair, I tried to scream but he just put one hand in my mouth and in my ear he whispered "Sshh sshh we are just going to have fun". He used my sweater to cover my mouth so I couldnt scream  for help while he touched me. He started to take my leotard down and I screamed and kicked, I cried so hard I almost stopped feelings my eyes, with every scream I could feel how my throat almost bleeded, buy he didnt stop, he just continued, and continued and continued, he just wouldnt stop. 

He threw my leotard away and started touching my breast,  he did it while I screamed for help, but no one could listen...or maybe nobody wanted to listen. At some point I realized that no matter how hard I tried to scream, how hard I cried or how hard I kicked, he wouldnt stop. So, without even realizing it, I think, I just gave up. 

I had given up until a wave of panick ran though my entire body, when I felt his finger going from my breast to my stomach and he continued going down, I tried to kick and run but I couldnt, I just couldnt. He pulled out the sweater covering my mouth just to hear how I screamed in terror. 

"Stop, just please stop, dont, dont!!"- I screamed while he just kept going down, tears ran through my cheeks falling to the floor, I moved desperately but nothing seemed to work, he was stronger, he was taller, bigger, faster...and I was  just a little scared girl to him. He put his hand under my underwear, and one finger, then two, I screamed in pain and fear, I was so scared, I couldnt breathe. I could feel his fingers going up and down and I just felt so scared, terrified, but at the same time weak, guilty even though deep inside I knew it wasnt my fault. 

He took his fingers out and tied the sweater around my mouth again, he pushed me against the white wall and took my underwear down. I moved desperately, tried to scream and kick again, even though I knew it wasnt going to work. I felt how my heart stopped when I heard his fly going down. And he did it, he just did it like that, a scream of pain scaped from my mouth and everything I could do was cry harder. He just continued while I screamed, but I couldnt do anything to stop it, I cried and cried and cried, it was all happening again, last time I swore to myself that I would never be weak again, that I would never let anyone do something ike that to me again, and there I was again, in the same position as before, begging him to stop. Nothing has changed and I felt so weak, so scared...so guilty. 

He went out of me and I fell to the floor, I couldnt do it anymore.

"Just let me go...please, please, just stop"- I said when he pulled off the sweater. I heard his laugh, and then the door opening, and closing, and then he wasnt there anymore, silence filled the room, with the only sound being my quiet sobs. Empty thoughts started clouding my mind. I picked up my underwear, my leotard and my leggings. I got dressed, and went out of the dark room. I went to the bathroom, cleaned up my face and did the makeup again. I looked my reflection in the mirror, hoping to see some kind of answer, but all I could see, was the reflection of a broken girl. 

 


End file.
